My Comic Secret

Yep, the cat's out of the bag. I liked Sam Kinison. Not everything he did but enough of it to be a fan. Instead of walking on egg shells around sensitive social issues he waded right in. If it was something that needed to be exposed, he exposed it. Instead of pussyfooting around the tough subjects just to make a lousy buck, he risked it all to make you laugh about the shit you didn't have to take anymore from life or from anybody else.

My Kind of Guy

Robert D. Barry
E. T. Monitor Host

Back in the late 1980s I lived in Dauphin County, Pennsylvania, where the summers were longer and hotter and the winters were shorter and milder than they are up here in Pennsylvania's Allegheny Plateau Region.

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday night back in the Eighties was to stay up late and watch a really cool television show about UFOs, extraterrestrials, the solar system and outer space on a local TV station from neighboring York County.

This late-night TV show was called E. T. Monitor and its host was a guy named Robert D. Barry. The fact that this show wasn't broadcast from New York City or Philadelphia or Los Angeles or Chicago is what made it so appealing to me. It aired at midnight every Saturday night on WGCB Channel 49 from Red Lion, Pennsylvania. Only thirty or so miles from where I lived at the time.

Mr. Barry's show included prominent guests like Dr. Jack Kasher, professor of physics and astronomy at the University of Nebraska and Bob Lazar, a physicist who claimed to have worked at the secret government installation S-4, near the infamous Area 51 UFO research center at Groom Lake, Nevada, and Dr. Stanton Friedman, the man who blew the lid off the 1947 Roswell conspiracy. In addition, Robert Barry took phone calls from anyone who wanted to talk about UFO sightings or their UFO experiences. Mr. Barry's wife, Lucy, manned the phones during these broadcasts.

I was watching E. T. Monitor one night when the broadcast was suddenly interrupted and never came back on. A couple of weeks later Mr. Barry told his audience about a warning the FBI had given him about keeping his mouth shut, a warning that was followed up by the mysterious "plug-pulling incident". Bob Barry died not long after that and his dedicated wife, Lucy, tried in vain to keep the show alive. E. T. Monitor died the same undeserved death that its host had succumbed to and some of us dedicated viewers smelled a big, government conspiracy rat.

But the most intriguing thing about E. T. Monitor was the host. Robert D. Barry was an unpretentious, intelligent, inquisitive and brave man who dared to ask the questions I'd been asking myself since I was a kid and he confronted the skeptics and the authorities who are always there when the truth is about to be uncovered. They come out of the woodwork like insects, debunking and denying their lying asses off in an effort to keep mankind in the dark and to uphold business-as-usual as the true law of the land.

This simple blog post is my tribute, then, to Robert D. Barry, whose memory is kept alive by a few dedicated people at YouTube. Here's an embedded video from YouTube, the first of a 5-part video feature about E. T. Monitor with Robert D. Barry. My kind of guy.

Author's note: The very second I finished writing this blog post in WordPerfect 12, and before I could save the document, the power went out here in Snow Shoe, Pennsylvania, and I had to write it all over again from memory and then post it to Blogger. Now, that's no coincidence. And, no, I never get used to this manipulative nonsense. The feds who work with the alien-controlled "New World Order" are nothing but traitors who think they're above the law. Personally, I think they're worse than that. I think they're unconscionable, unrepentant, traitorous, rat-bastard, lyin'-ass dogs who should be jailed for life and fed dog food for breakfast.

FBI Hijinks

"Click on me for another FBI story".

Whenever I create fictional FBI agents as characters in my novels I always give the Federal Bureau of Investigation better "lip service" than I would ever give it in real life, and certainly a better deal than they're getting from Hollywood. I don't know why I do this. My own brief encounter with the FBI in 1995 was enough to make me want to write an entire book about their bumbling ways. But I didn't.

Anyway, ten years ago, two agents from the FBI office in Harrisburg, PA knocked on my Dauphin County door and wanted to ask me questions about a bank robbery in State College, PA. I thought it was either a prank or a very big mistake. Well, it turned out to be both.

It took me about a half hour to pull the truth out of the two agents and they confessed that they had gotten their "tip" from a TV show that was "something like America's Most Wanted", they said. Imagine being so hard up to solve a case that you mezz-out in front of the tube for your leads. Hollywood is right. The FBI is full of shitheads who don't know their asses from a hole in the ground. What a waste of our tax dollars.

Apparently, some hateful, hideous, malicious, coward at the bank I used to work for in State College (Mellon Bank) hated me enough to pull a stunt like that. Imagine pulling an unconscionable prank like that just for the hell of it. I've been in in a lot of places in my life, from Maine to Georgia and from New York City to Chicago, but the most hateful people I've ever encountered have been in State College and Snow Shoe, PA. And there are more men-hating women in Happy Valley" than anywhere I've ever been. You sick witches. How diabolical. I never disliked anybody enough in my entire life to commit a shameful, criminal act like that and I never will. If I knew who this person was, a civil or even criminal lawsuit would certainly be in the works. At the very least, I'd sue your malicious, lying ass to Kingdom Goddamn Come. If this world of ours was a just world — instead of a dog-eat-dog world that always rewards ruthlessness — your worthless, criminal ass would be mine.

I'm not very happy with the TV show people either (let's not beat around the bush, you FBI assholes, it was America's Most Wanted and you damn well know it). In a just world, I'd have your stupid show cancelled and your limelight-loving asses run out of town on a rail. But, this is the real world, a world where justice never triumphs for long — if at all — an evil planet where I have to be content to let their own karma hunt them down and deal with them accordingly before they die. But, if I ever see any of you in the afterlife, you'd better run and hide.

This was just after my father had died and I had moved in with my mother, who doesn't drive, to help her out and ready their house for the real estate market. I was in no mood for FBI hijinks or any other tomfoolery. I even had to prove to the FBI where I was the day of the alleged bank robbery and that meant having my employer verify that I was at work in Harrisburg that day. Where else?

Now that went over real well at the office. Eventually, I convinced Heckle and Jeckle that I was not the bank robber and those FBI morons finally left me alone, with my anger and my memories. I'll never forget your bumbling incompetence, you worthless shits. Only on Earth, I tell myself, only on planet Earth. No wonder the real powers-that-be kicked us off the moon in 1972.