Hollywood Whores

The Hollywood Whores I refer to in this title aren't the tawdry, know-it-all, young actresses in the multitude of seedy movies that Tinseltown cranks out each year. No, they're a dime a dozen, just like the unshaven, unkempt and foul-mouthed young actors they're paired with. No, the people "in" the movies of the new millennium are probably as dazed and confused about why they're so popular as Baby Boomers like me are about why Hollywood is allowed to become more of an open sewer each year.

No, the real whores in Hollywood are the writers, directors, and especially the producers, who have no morals and, therefore, no qualms whatsoever about turning the traditional, family-oriented, movie-going experience of yesteryear into a sordid extravaganza of four-letter dialogues and nano-second images of belly buttons and butt cracks and high-contrast action sequences that have no discernible plot or story line behind them.

The real Hollywood whores have been there since day one and now they own and run just about every type of multimedia source and they're pulling America and the rest of the world down into the gutter along with them. And I'm not even a religious person. Hell, I'm just sick and tired of being surrounded by and bombarded with filth and decadence.

The real Hollywood whores also end up with all the pimp money.

Stupid Movie Shit

Hollywood movies made since 1990 contains these three stupid scenes:

1) Gratuitous Sex Scene – This is a scene where twenty-somethings loose their tops, drop their drawers, suck face and provide eye candy for a dating audience.

2) Strip Club Scene – This is a scene where stupid twenty-something males drool over bimbos who aren’t wearing any tops or drawers or both and who wouldn't give these dorks the time of day out on the street.

3) Men Peeing Scene – This is a scene in a men’s room with men relieving themselves at urinals for people who like that kind of reality in a movie. Cops being chewed out by their precinct Captains, drugs dealers moving product, confidential informants being shaken down, etc. etc. Why anybody on God’s green earth wants to see this is totally beyond me.

My solution to this "stupid movie shit" problem is this:

Have each Hollywood movie open with a gratuitous sex scene in a restroom that is part of a strip club. Show this scene while the opening credits are rolling. No one can read them anyway these days, the letters are so damn small. This way, you’ll kill all three birds with one stone.

Hollywood or Bust

As I wrote the three novels comprising The Evermore Trilogy and then my fourth novel, The Dreamer Never Sleeps, my mental back burner secretly courted Hollywood as it served up action sequences, character interaction, settings, plots and story lines that would be readily adaptable to the big screen.

I queried several script agents in 2003 and 2004 who seemed to take great pleasure in reminding me that they only handled scripts already adapted from traditionally published novels. I knew that meant that they weren't willing to look at the script after I wrote it and that was fine. I possessed novel manuscripts, not screenplays.

But their answers also meant that my novels didn't have enough unnecessary violence and that they lacked the proliferation of foul language and gratuitous sex required for attracting a wide audience. Because that's all Hollywood ever turns out anymore. I'd have had to turn my novels upside down and inside out in order to hammer out a formulaic screenplay with a run-of-the-mill story offering wide-audience appeal, the copycat cinematic fare that American audiences have been offered ever since the box-office success of Star Wars.

Hollywood only wants movies based on market research aimed at giving American moviegoers what they think they want, which is what the toy, clothing, video, and gaming industries also want and all that other Madison Avenue "bleed the consumer dry" hype. Well, I'm no prude, I told myself. I offer that kind of reality in appropriate measure but I minimized it because the real story is what's left. Besides, that stuff is just too darn easy to write. Well, there you go. No wonder I don't go to the movies anymore.